Yesterday because of a number of overwhelming family issues, I spent my first Christmas morning alone–ever. It is my fourth Christmas without John, and probably my worst one yet. Spent Christmas Eve alone, and as another widow said, tried to go to Church, but a seemingly small thing set me off and carried over into Christmas morning. All the masks came off and there I was–all flesh, exposed, raw and terribly vulnerable. I have learned to call grief a “stalker” because it stalks you and leaps out at the most inopportune moments– Christmas morning of all things–when the the world is supposed to be sleeping in Heavenly peace! Learning to abide in Christ during these times is essential for me. Jesus, living exactly His life through me–me living “from” Jesus, not “for” Jesus, focusing on Him, not on my events. I know these things, but holidays seem to find a way to derail this train huh? Today He will have to mop up my mess from yesterday. Jesus is never derailed by anything. He lives in me, therefore I do not have to be derailed–unless it is directly into His arms.
Buy Into The Mist Now